#12. Men Behaving Badly: Mötley Crüe and the Beach Bum
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A double bill of male dissolution: Harmony Korine's The Beach Bum, which limped into tenth place with $1.8 million on 1,100 screens, and the Mötley Crüe biopic The Dirt on Netflix. Sonny gives The Beach Bum two stars out of four — he loved Spring Breakers but says this one's mood-over-plot approach doesn't work, though he defends the Florida sunsets and argues the deliberately awful prize-winning poem about Moondog's penis proves McConaughey isn't meant to be taken as a genius. JVL delivers the episode's tirade, saying he walked out wanting to "take the entire state of Florida, and every man, woman, and child in it, and fire them into the sun," demanding to know who pays these people's mortgages and what their 401(k)s look like, and calling the film The Big Lebowski with a duller Dude posited as hero. Vic, who wanted to like the mellow-Moondog premise, kept waiting for a turning point that never came — he notes he saw it the Sunday of the prodigal son sermon and Moondog is the prodigal who never comes home — and settles on a C-minus after nearly giving it an F. All three agree the Martin Lawrence dolphin-tour vignette ("only four fatalities in four years") is the best seven minutes in it, and Sonny uses a Chicago Reader pan to ask whether critics should judge morals or filmmaking. The Dirt fares better: Vic gives it a B+ for its multiple narrators, dead-ringer Heather Locklear casting, and background details like the Pearl Jam poster marking metal's decline; Sonny lands on a B and calls it the perfect thing to watch at 2 p.m. Friday in the office passing Wild Turkey 101; JVL says a C+ but praises it as far better directed than Bohemian Rhapsody and nails why — with the Crüe, "the lifestyle was the act." Elsewhere: Dumbo tops the box office with $45 million en route to losing money, Captain Marvel crosses a billion, JVL evangelizes the red-band Good Boys trailer as "our Citizen Kane," and Vic caps his top-five Mötley Crüe songs list with "Unskinny Bop" and "Pour Some Sugar On Me."
From the show notes
#cdata-section -------------- In this latest episode, sponsored by Calm, the gang discusses The Beach Bum and The  Dirt , th...
Full transcript
Guest00:00:00Before I accept whatever award was there given me today, I just want to start off with a little bit of poetic foreplay. One day I will swallow up the world. And when I do, I hope you all perish violently. Is that the motherf***ing Moondog? Moondog. Moondog. You look like sh**. Yeah, I look like I always look.
Vic00:00:47Hello and welcome to another edition of The Sub-Beacon sponsored by Calm, the number one app for sleep, meditation and relaxation. I'm Victor Matus along with Sonny Bunch and Jonathan V. Last. I'd like to remind you The Sub-Beacon is available on iTunes. The Sub-Beacon is available on iTunes and Google Play. Just look at a podcast and search for Sub-Beacon. You'll easily find us. Please subscribe, tell your friends and leave a review. Gentlemen, how are we? JVL, what is going on? Hello, boys. Hello. How are you?
JVL00:01:16Fine, I think. I was going to talk about a little bit of baseball because the season is underway. The season has begun. The season has begun. Flash had his first travel league doubleheader on a windy, windy afternoon on Sunday out in Reston, Virginia, a mere hour and 15 minutes from my home.
Vic00:01:37Is a doubleheader in the same place, though, at least? Okay, good.
JVL00:01:41All right, all right. They split the games. Flash had one hit, two walks, one strikeout behind the plate. Great. Pitched a couple innings, one dominant inning, one less dominant inning. Gave up no hits, however, and didn't kill anybody. Which was the important thing.
Vic00:02:00How are the kids now that he is playing, how are the other kids in the other teams? Comparable?
?00:02:07No.
JVL00:02:08Okay. I mean, they're good.
Vic00:02:10I mean, your team, his team is better than the other teams is what I'm asking.
JVL00:02:13No, no, no. So, in this case, the two teams were roughly equivalent, I would say. Either team could have won both games or either team could have lost both games. Nobody throws with the velocity Flash throws with. Some control issues. But that's okay. I didn't want to talk about that though. What I wanted to talk about was I went to see this amazing movie that we're going to talk about later. And during the trailers, I saw a trailer.
Vic00:02:37That was the highlight of the movie experience.
JVL00:02:39A red band trailer for a movie that is, I believe, going to be for us as a group, Our Citizen Kane. And I had never heard of this before. It is called Good Boys. And it is essentially super bad for fifth graders. Yes.
Sonny00:02:56Except for the language is as bad as super bad. Why don't we play a short clip here? Okay. So people can hear some of the introductory dialogue. There's a very funny intro from Seth Rogen to the trailer. Let's listen to that right now. Hey, kids.
Guest00:03:09As you know, I am one of the producers on your movie Good Boys. And unfortunately, I'm here with bad news. You guys cannot watch the trailer for your own movie. What?
JVL00:03:17Are you serious? Are you kidding?
Guest00:03:19It's just too messed up for kids your age. There's drugs. There's violence. There's swearing. And although we've decided it's okay for you to do that. It's okay for you to do these things in the movie. You can't watch yourselves do them in the trailer. That's fucked up. Oh, it is fucked up. Yeah. You can say that. Yeah. But you can't watch yourself say that. That's fucked up.
Sonny00:03:36Welcome to Hollywood. See?
JVL00:03:38That's funny. People like that. The whole thing looks unspeakable. I couldn't stop laughing. And I don't know why. I don't know what it is about this. But I just felt like actually it was a movie about the three of us if we had gone to public school together. The fifth grade. I don't know.
Vic00:03:56The three of us. I went to public school. Would we be friends? That's what I want to know if we were together.
Sonny00:04:00I don't know. Yeah, probably.
Vic00:04:02Because we're big losers. Well, you know I'm friends with everybody. As you know, I'm friends with everybody. You would have been friends with everybody. Yeah.
Sonny00:04:07Be my friend. Please. You would have been the kid in the trailer who is already ingratiated with the in-group. And you're like, "Can I bring my weirdo friends?"
Vic00:04:16Oh, right.
Sonny00:04:17Oh, I'd be that guy. Yeah. Over. And that's me and JVL. You very excitedly sent us this trailer last night.
JVL00:04:23Yes.
Sonny00:04:24It's amazing. Do you not? Does it not hit all of your pressure centers? I was watching Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich at the time, so I put that on pause. I'm sorry.
JVL00:04:32It's a movie about-
Sonny00:04:33You were watching this and not Vic? It's a movie about Nazi puppets that go on a murderous rampage. Vic would love it. Oh. Vic would love it.
JVL00:04:41That sounds like Vic's Citizen Kane. Oh, my gosh. No comment.
Sonny00:04:44What is happening? So I paused the Nazi puppet movie to watch this trailer. And I have to say, I was expecting ... I don't know what I was expecting, because it's a super bad trailer. I was expecting lots of nudity, I guess, because the description is, "Boys send a drone over to spy on teenage girls." And I'm like, "Okay, it's kind of weird to do a Revenge of the Nerds style plot in 2019." That was a great one too. But I guess you can get away with it. That was a great scene in Revenge of the Nerds. But then it's just like the kids are cursing a lot. Yeah, yeah.
JVL00:05:15That's what I thought.
Sonny00:05:16It just looks like super bad with kids that are younger, and my fear is that it is basically going to be like, "Look at the kids curse. That's funny." Right? It's funny when children curse.
JVL00:05:29You're not going to believe... First of all, it's hysterically funny when children curse. You're not going to believe this, but I'm sorry.
Sonny00:05:36Is it as funny as when the Nazi puppets kill Jewish lesbians? I don't know. I don't know about that.
Vic00:05:41I felt... Did it not do anything for you? No, I kind of felt... Believe it or not, I felt the way Sonny did about young kids cursing, but the other stuff looked funny. The action looks funny. The story looks funny. The interesting thing about Molly, the joke about... That looks like it's great, but I could do less with the profanity for coming out of kids. I guess I'm getting old. What is happening here? I don't know. I don't know. I don't understand. You, Mr. Lowbrow, man of the people humor. I know. I know. I know. Mr. Green Book for Life. It's too young. It's too... Yes. But it's like... No, I don't think...
JVL00:06:15But they're like 10.
Vic00:06:16But they're like 10-year-olds. It's really funny. Where's the sophisticated humor? I would like to see some intricate wordplay. No, but 10 or 11, I mean... But I could see...
Sonny00:06:22I could see the ploy on this script. That's fine.
Vic00:06:24I can see the ploy, though. I can see the ploy of the draw is, "Oh, young kids cursing." But I hope there's more to it, and we're obviously gonna see it.
JVL00:06:32So I am mapping out future shows, and we've got Shazam. Shazam.
Vic00:06:36Coming up soon. We have got the Hollywood...
JVL00:06:41Oh, the big one after.
Vic00:06:42The big... Oh, wait. I'm not here.
JVL00:06:45Once in a long time in Hollywood. The ninth Quentin Tarantino movie. Yes. We've got Good Boys. I'm actually now kind of excited for spring/summer movies.
Sonny00:06:52What about Avengers: Endgame?
JVL00:06:54Yeah, that looks great, too.
Sonny00:06:56Who's gonna live? Who's gonna die? Who's gonna live? I was... As I was writing my Shazam review, which...
JVL00:07:01And our second Captain Marvel show.
Sonny00:07:03Yes. Well, so we have... The celebratory "She Has Crossed One Billion Dollar Show." I think she's already... We'll get there. We'll get there. We'll get there. Hold on. We'll get there. Sonny. As I was writing my review of Shazam, I realized that we are like four weeks out from the last superhero origin story film, and then there's Shazam, which is... The superhero origin story film. And then next week is Hellboy, which, I hate to break it to everyone, is another superhero origin story movie.
JVL00:07:30I am... I never thought... I... This is like... Wait, what?
Sonny00:07:36How is it an origin? We're rebooting Hellboy? Oh, yeah. Really? With the same characters? Neil Marshall is directing David Harbour, I think. The guy from Stranger Things. Yes. The cop from Stranger Things. Oh, it's not Ron Perlman. It's not Ron Perlman. The Guillermo del Toro Ron Perlman...
JVL00:07:48Looks like him. Wait, Ron Perlman is gone?
Sonny00:07:50Gone. Yeah, this is...
JVL00:07:52He looks just like Ron Perlman in the trailer.
Sonny00:07:54Yeah, I thought so. Because he's wearing a bunch of prosthetics. I mean, he's made to look like a big blocky cartoon.
JVL00:07:58But Hellboy looks like Ron Perlman. Right.
Sonny00:08:01Not Ron Perlman looks like Hellboy, but Hellboy looks like Ron Perlman. Right. Okay. So, anyway, I feel like the kid who grabbed the monkey paw and was like, "I want superhero movies." And it's just like... It happened. And it's like the... Or maybe The Simpsons where Homer goes to hell and he just shoves the donuts in his mouth till he's like on the verge of exploding. Ron, Ron, Ron. That's what I feel like when it comes to the superhero movies. I'm like getting a little bit... A little bit. I'm finally getting a little bit burnt out.
JVL00:08:30But you're gonna get some strong female leads.
Sonny00:08:32Ugh.
Vic00:08:33I have a question for you, Sonny. Yeah. Are you just so excited about your alma mater UVA going to the Final Four and winning the whole thing? Yeah.
JVL00:08:44One year after the first number one seed ever to lose, right, Victorino?
Vic00:08:46So this is... Thank you for reminding us it was not Georgetown. It was UVA. This is...
Sonny00:08:50That's a record holder. This is an interesting question, right? Yeah. That's funny. Well, first off, I don't really... I'm excited in the kind of platonic like this is a thing that is good sort of sense. I'm not excited because I haven't watched a single minute of UVA games this year with two exceptions, both of the Duke games. So I watched the first Duke game which we lost and I accidentally watched the second Duke game 'cause it was in a restaurant when I was there and it was on like seven TVs. So I watched most of it and we lost that game too. So I made a conscious choice after that not to watch any more. I made a conscious choice after that not to watch any more UVA basketball games which I actually like. I prefer college basketball to college football but I decided not to watch anymore despite the fact that UVA was very good this year because I'm a curse. I'm a jinx.
JVL00:09:35Yeah, you can't watch.
Sonny00:09:36So I can't watch anymore. So I'm excited in, again, the kind of platonic this is a good thing that has happened to UVA and I'm very happy for all of us alums of that fantastic school that for once were in the headlines for reasons other than like gang rapes or whatever. Fake gang rapes for the record. So here's the interesting question though. Let's say UVA wins it all. Let's say they win the national title. Yeah. First. That would be a first, right? So which-- No.
JVL00:10:06Does that--
Sonny00:10:07I don't think so. Didn't they win one with Ralph Sampson? No. They went to the final four twice with Ralph Sampson but they-- Okay. Did not win. They did not win either time. Okay. I don't think they made the championship game either time with Ralph Sampson. Okay. So the question here is does it make up-- does winning-- would winning the national championship winning the tourney make up for being the first team ever to be bounced out by-- first number one seed ever to be bounced out by a 16 seed and my argument is no. Because in five years, no one's going to remember UVA won the national title this year. No one will care. I cannot--
Vic00:10:38And no one will remember. It's absolutely true. I cannot remember from year to year who the winners-- I can't do that. I couldn't tell you who won last year.
JVL00:10:45I got no idea. Except for 1984. So-- I disagree entirely. Okay. Because if they win this year because-- Because it is back to back with that upset, then the two become inextricably linked in the mists of memory for forever. And in fact, this becomes part of the story of that defeat. If they were to win two years from now, different cast of characters, then yes, you would be correct. But because we're going to follow on the first round loss followed by the championship victory, then-- You think they'll be so tied.
Sonny00:11:20Insuperable. Insuperable. It's an interesting theory, but I still think that the trivial pursuit question is which school, which is the only school that has lost as a number one seed to a 16th seed in the NCAA tournament. It's just, I mean, there was some close calls with Georgetown, including with the old man
JVL00:11:37in Princeton. Princeton. Pete Carrell. Princeton game.
Vic00:11:41And that was, I can't remember who was on the old man's team at the time. It wasn't--
JVL00:11:48Alonzo Mourning. Oh, yeah. Right. Dikembe Mutombo. It was a loaded team. It was loaded.
Vic00:11:54It was like three or four NBA starters on that team.
JVL00:11:56Question. Yes. Yeah. I remember when the University of Maryland won their national championship now 15 years,
Sonny00:12:0420 years ago. Is that Gary Williams? Yes.
JVL00:12:07The Gary Williams year. Yes. And there was a burning of cars and mattresses and tires throughout the College Park, Maryland area. Yes. At Mr. Jefferson's University. Mm. And I believe they would celebrate a national championship.
Sonny00:12:26Interesting question. As somebody who attended a fair number of college basketball games, I would say that we're chiller than that, I think. That being said, UVA has never really won a serious national title before. So I don't know. I don't know.
JVL00:12:44They've won a lacrosse national title.
Sonny00:12:45Well, they've won a lot. And they've won some baseball.
JVL00:12:47And soccer national titles. Soccer. Some baseball national titles. Probably some women's sports.
Sonny00:12:51World's College World Series. I don't know.
JVL00:12:52Did they have lady sports at Mr. Jefferson's University? Did they allow the second years to play in the lady sports?
Sonny00:12:57Did you guys fill out your ladies' tourney brackets this year? You once, JVL, helped a co-worker.
JVL00:13:03Jackie Goldberg. Yes.
Vic00:13:05Okay. One-namer. Fill out a ladies' bracket. And all you did was pick the higher seeds in each one, right?
JVL00:13:09Just chalk, chalk, chalk, chalk, chalk.
Vic00:13:10And then?
JVL00:13:11Yeah. She was in a very woke pool. This is now 20 years ago. A woke pool where in order to enter the tournament, the actual tournament, you had to fill out two. A men's bracket. And a women's bracket. And your final score was calculated on a combination of the two. And she was like, "I don't know how to do this." And I said, "Listen. Let me explain this to you. There's only two good teams in women's college basketball." This was at the time. Diana Taurasi. It was Connecticut. Connecticut and Tennessee. You just pick the higher seed every way, all the way to chalk, and then you put Tennessee and Connecticut in the final, and you flip a coin and pick one of the two of them. And she had almost a perfect women's bracket. She came within five games of doing it.
Vic00:13:52I remember. I remember.
JVL00:13:54That's true. I mean, it really was. She did very well. I believe she won her whole tournament based on the strength of her women's bracket.
Vic00:13:58She did very well. This is the worst performance in a bracket in my 21, 22 years of doing brackets. That's saying something. It's saying something. That's great.
JVL00:14:06I've never done this bad. So it's a special bracket.
Vic00:14:08You will remember this bracket. I'll remember.
Sonny00:14:10I don't know. What did you do wrong? And if you win the tournament next year, if you win the bracket next year, it'll be combined
Vic00:14:13in your memory. Combined in my memory. What did you do wrong? Okay. So my final... I picked some great upsets, by the way. Liberty. That was a great upset. But the points, as you know, these are great personal wins when you could pick the 5, 12, or 4, 13 upsets. But in the long run, the points are meaningless. It's only the big games that count. So my final four was Duke, Florida State, Tennessee, and UNC. And I think that was totally possible. Came awfully close.
JVL00:14:41Yeah. Didn't you?
Vic00:14:43I mean, yeah. I mean, all four of those teams were in the Elite Eight. Were they not? No. Instead, it's Tech. A listener friend, Steve Hagedorn, also said... Yeah. He's from Dallas and said, you know, "Go with Tech." I got the text after tip-off, so that didn't help me. Auburn, UVA, and then they went to Michigan State. And I went back and forth with Michigan State and Duke. So that was a struggle.
JVL00:15:03And Michigan State, oh, Tom Izzo, always.
Vic00:15:05Duke does play the right way, though. They do. They're fundamentals.
JVL00:15:09Fundamentals. You know, I would like to say something on air right now, just a little long-distance dedication to my boy, Ryan Kinney, who I'm not going to explain why. But who has robbed me of the ability to hate Duke and Coach K for the rest of my life.
Vic00:15:25Personal anecdote.
JVL00:15:26Thanks, Ryan. Personal anecdote to the coach. I appreciate it. The only thing I have in my life-- Nice guy. Nice guy. --really is hate. And when somebody takes away my ability to hate someone, it is like driving a tiny grapefruit spoon into my heart. Thanks, Ryan. You're such a great guy, Ryan. I-- have you ever won the bracket outright, like first place? Outright won? Yeah. Yeah. I think like in college maybe or whatever. Oh, back in the-- Forever ago. In the standard days. I don't do that anymore. I haven't done a bracket in like nine years.
Vic00:15:58I remember. Smart.
JVL00:16:00Because we used to do it together.
Vic00:16:01We used to organize it together. We used to run the tournament. It was the Mattis Last Invitational. That's right. And remember when we used to plot our picks? Do you remember? We would go to the Burger King-- Yes.
JVL00:16:09--on K Street. What is now Fueled Pizza. Fueled Pizza. When we would sit there with the Washington Post special NCAA tourneys--
Vic00:16:15With Kornheiser and of course Feinstein.
Sonny00:16:17Question. Question. We used to give the paper to the homeless people who were sleeping next to you on the bench at the Burger King on K Street. There were always homeless people in the upstairs.
Vic00:16:27They were in the upstairs. They were in the upstairs. You stay downstairs. It kind of got in the way of the smell of the Whopper, but that's okay. That tradition unlike any other. The bum urine. This was so long.
JVL00:16:37It's stale. A stale stench. So long ago that that Burger King still used the microphone system for orders. They had to call it out. They got to call it out. Where the people at the registers had little microphones-- And they called it back? That they would call back to the-- Oh, that's amazing. They didn't have like, you know, the little toot, toot, toot, toot, toot screen.
Vic00:16:51No, no, no. They didn't do that. And then-- I got a Whopper plane. Right. No. You had to go up and get it. Whopper.
Sonny00:16:59With large fries.
Vic00:17:00But the first time I did the pool when I started the Standard-- You won. Did you not? Second place. I took second. But it was a big pool because it was connected with like Capitol Hill and stuff. I mean, there was a lot of people. And I won second place. And so I took that. And this is the year before you came on board. And I took-- I went out to lunch with two-- I took two other people out to lunch. Polly Korath. Polly Korath. Right. Who was Jon Podhortz's then wonderful executive assistant. And Naomi Rao. The three of us. District Court. District Court. Yes. District Court Justice. And yeah. I mean, and it's great to see her because now, look, she's as successful now. As you.
Sonny00:17:39It's good to see Ash. As you. As I am here. You should ask the clerk for her. Do you need any-- I can call.
JVL00:17:45Do you need any 45-year-old clerks? Stop. I'm a legal correspondent. Stop me now. I'm remembering. Yes. JVL. But doesn't Naomi Rao herself have a brush with fame from her high school days? Because. Oh, yes.
Vic00:17:56I believe. Yes, she did.
Sonny00:17:58Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Vic00:17:59That she was the high school tutor of one Christopher Webber.
JVL00:18:00She knew Chris Webber. I think at Detroit Country Day. At Detroit Country Day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exactly right. She tutored him in like whatever.
Vic00:18:06Anyway. Look into that, but it's a nice story. I just think that's a nice story. I would love him to show up to testify at her confirmation hearings. It's a nice story. It's a nice story. Do you know. Yeah. Do you know where. Do you know where we went to lunch? Georgetown Seafood. That's not a bad. That's not a bad call. It's not a bad call. You have to go back.
JVL00:18:21It was a Tabard Inn.
Vic00:18:22Tabard Inn. It was my second guess. I had just discovered. I didn't. It was before I discovered Morton's or the Palm. And so Andy Ferguson, when I first came on board, he took me out to lunch and to the Tabard Inn with David Brooks. And that's when I first discovered that that world. It's a real power trio. It was a power. Again. Look at us now. Look at the three of us now.
JVL00:18:42Look at you.
Vic00:18:43You know.
JVL00:18:44And. I'm sorry. I'm the executive editor of a successful national.
Vic00:18:47Deputy. Deputy.
JVL00:18:49I'm the executive. Is he the deputy editor of a successful national publication?
Sonny00:18:52No.
JVL00:18:53I don't think so.
Vic00:18:54You know what he's. He's just a writer. Yeah.
Sonny00:18:57Yeah. No, that's right.
Vic00:18:59He's just a writer. Are you. You're still. This conversation has to be fascinating for like. I know a lot of people.
JVL00:19:0417 people who love the inside. Are you a fan of the Tabard? Do you like the Tabard still? Well, I mean, they don't put your picture on the wall. No, they don't. They don't.
Vic00:19:10They don't. They don't give you a private wine lockers if you're a high roller, do they? They don't. except for it was crowded always. It was very noisy. Everyone's crammed in. It was like a circus. Speaking of circuses, over the weekend.
JVL00:19:23That's really great.
Vic00:19:24Man, that was a hard one. You really powered through.
Sonny00:19:27You really powered through. You were like, oh, my God.
Vic00:19:29The whole point of even talking about the brackets was to get to Dumbo. That was a seven-minute transition. Seven-minute time. You're wondering, like, where am I going with this? Okay. Over the weekend.
Sonny00:19:40You know what that is? That's the Neil Peart drum solo of transitions.
Vic00:19:45Right. Oh, it's going on. Right, right. Five minutes. Fast forward. Still going. I'm still going. Okay. Over the weekend, Dumbo flew to the top spot at the box office with $45 million, followed by Us with $33 million, and in third place, Captain Marvel with $20.5 million, and it has now broken the billion-dollar mark.
Sonny00:20:09Captain Marvel has grossed over a billion dollars. Just as I predicted it would. Box office thoughts, guys. I'm a genius.
JVL00:20:17I have a question, Sonny. At what point do these live-action Disney reboots become unprofitable?
Sonny00:20:25Are we close to it? Well, Dumbo's going to lose money. I think it's safe to say Dumbo.
JVL00:20:29It's not the first one, is it? I mean, haven't a bunch of these done kind of poorly?
Sonny00:20:32No. No. I mean, Maleficent did great, but didn't the Jungle Book one?
JVL00:20:36Maleficent did fine. Jungle Book did a billion dollars.
Sonny00:20:39Oh, it did? Okay. I'm pretty sure it did. I remember when we reviewed that, because we do a lot of reviews of very popular billion-dollar movies. Hold on. Let me just pull it up. I'm pretty sure. It grossed $966 million, so close to a billion. Maleficent did okay. Maleficent did fine, but that's not really a reboot. That's more of a reimagining, I feel like. It's taking the- Yeah, fair enough.
JVL00:21:00Did the Cinderella reimagining?
Sonny00:21:01Cinderella did well. Beauty and the Beast was huge. Beauty and the Beast was an enormous hit. So, I think Dumbo's going to be the first one that loses money.
JVL00:21:10Can I tell you why? Sure, because it's bad.
Sonny00:21:12Because Eva Green does not take her top off.
JVL00:21:14True. True fact. Movies where Eva Green takes her shirt off are, every single one of them, over $800 million in worldwide grosses. Oh, this is- I'd have to check the numbers on that.
Vic00:21:24What was the movie, the weird French movie that she was in? The Daydreamers? Yeah. Maybe. Dreamers.
Sonny00:21:30The Dreamers. Whatever.
Vic00:21:31Yeah, yeah. If you search that-
Sonny00:21:33It was an art film. Bertolucci. It was Bertolucci.
Vic00:21:36It was Bertolucci, and you can actually watch that. I watched that. It was the worst movie on Dailymotion.
Sonny00:21:43You watched the whole movie on Dailymotion?
Vic00:21:45Yeah. I didn't know the movie was only 10 minutes, but apparently that's the movie. Okay, so-
Sonny00:21:50No, Dumbo's a disaster. It had a production budget of $170 million. I mean, I assume they spent at least $100 million.
JVL00:21:57Who could have guessed that that stupid effing movie would turn out to be a bad effing movie? Yeah.
Sonny00:22:02Dumbo's one of the worst of the Disney animated movies, right?
JVL00:22:06I don't- I didn't-
Vic00:22:07It's not Pinocchio, you know? I mean, I didn't- In terms of a story. In terms of a story, it's just- Yes!
Sonny00:22:12I have no strong feelings on Dumbo, the original, but the remake, or this live action one, is horrendously boring. Oh. Just boring. Just dull and uninteresting.
Vic00:22:24Did you like- I mean, because here's Colin Farrell again, right? And he sort of has this new role. Did you like him in Saving Mr. Banks? Did you see him saving Mr. Banks?
Sonny00:22:32You know, I didn't actually see Saving Mr. Banks.
Vic00:22:33It's on Netflix. I didn't see Saving Mr. Banks. You should see it. I liked it, surprisingly.
Sonny00:22:37I like Colin Farrell a lot, but I don't like him in this. I don't like him in this sort of movie where he plays the straight man dad figure. I like him- Yeah, he's a dad in Mr. Banks, too. I like him when he's fiending for mojitos in Miami Vice, or Hitman and in Bruges. I like him when he's a little bit weird. I even- I prefer him in Daredevil. Remember when he was in Daredevil and he played Bullseye? I don't remember that. He's fantastic. That's a terrible movie.
JVL00:23:05Terrible movie, but he's very good. Every minute he's on screen, he's great. What was his big breakout? Minority Report. Minority Report. Ah, yes. Well, that's right. It was Minority Report.
Sonny00:23:13Because he was the cop who was chasing a great Minority Report, too.
Vic00:23:16Witwer. What's his name? I guess. Okay, all the way down in 10th place, I forgot to mention this in the box office lineup, all the way down in 10th place was The Beach Bum, starring Matthew McConaughey. How did it get that high? $1.8 million, so that's not a great opening weekend for that, but for some reason-
Sonny00:23:32$1,600 a screen, that's a ton of money.
Vic00:23:33For some reason, we're talking about this movie as well as the Motley Crue biopic, Dirt. This is the Men Behaving Badly episode.
Sonny00:23:40I figured- I pitched this as a show because I couldn't, in good conscience, subject you to Dumbo. I would.
Vic00:23:48Well, no, yeah.
Sonny00:23:48I'd take Dumbo.
Vic00:23:49Oh. Knowing what we know now, Sonny, I think I might just check out Dumbo. Do you want to just talk about The Beach Bum first and we can get to Dirt later?
JVL00:23:59People need a big boy review of Beach Bum because really nobody is going to see this movie.
Sonny00:24:03That's right. The Beach Bum stars Matthew McConaughey, at his most Matthew McConaughey, as kind of a literal beach bum. He's a poet and a writer who is living in the Keys of Florida. We're kind of going back and forth between Miami and the Keys. And he just lives his life, man. He's just living his life one day at a time. He's getting drunk, doing some poetry. He's living with his wealthy wife, hanging out with Snoop Dogg, who's not really Snoop Dogg in this movie, but basically a Snoop Dogg. It's basically what you would imagine Matthew McConaughey and Snoop Dogg and Isla Fisher like in real life. They all live together and they had a billion dollars and could just do whatever they want. The plot of this movie strikes me as vaguely unimportant. Also non-existent. Well, not quite non-existent. The plot of the movie would be the following. Matthew McConaughey is a burnt out writer who, after his incredibly wealthy wife dies, is forced to finish his brilliant novel in order to inherit her money. And so that would be the bare minimum. Bare bones plot of the film, right? That's what happens in it. But none of this really matters. What it is, it is a similar Harmony Corrine movie. Harmony Corrine made Spring Breakers, which I like a lot. I don't know if you guys have seen. I think Vic would like it a lot.
Vic00:25:28Again, I saw it on Daily Motion. That's amazing. Go ahead.
Sonny00:25:32And Trash Humpers and some other movies. But it is very much a movie about kind of putting you in a milieu and in a... in a place and just letting the things happen. I don't think it's very good. I don't think it works. I don't think this works. Spring Breakers I liked a lot. This I don't think works. But I do find some of the reactions to it pretty interesting. That being said, I liked the look of the film. I liked the kind of Florida sunsets and sunrises and, you know, laid-back trash people doing their trash people things. I don't know. Two stars.
Vic00:26:18Two stars.
Sonny00:26:19Two out of four.
Vic00:26:19My mother-in-law has never been a fan of Florida, and this movie would really just sum it up for her about why she would not like Florida. But, you know, me, I'm open. I like this idea, and I wanted to like this movie before knowing really what it was about. And then I was just so let down by a lot of things. But what I wanted to like about this movie is the idea of having, you know, this more zen, mellow character, Moondog, and that nothing gets to him, you know,
Sonny00:26:51and that he would be Matthew McConaughey's character. I just call him Matthew McConaughey.
Vic00:26:55He's Hunter S. Thompson-ish in a way. No. Jimmy Buffett-ish. Jimmy Buffett-ish.
Sonny00:27:00Jimmy Buffett, who is in the movie.
Vic00:27:02He is. He is. Exactly. You made me wonder how much of it is, you know, him or what. But anyway, but I was very disappointed, and I did want to like it. Because I understand the message, which is that, you know, the life we lead is way too stressful, and we go to work, and we do all these things, and what we need more in life is more mellowness, calm, and meditation. JVL.
JVL00:27:24That's a nice transition. Hey, it's sponsor time for our favorite sponsor, Calm.com. So Calm.com, C-A-L-M.com, is an app for your phone. They have meditations on it and breathing exercises. And what we do is we do a lot of meditation. And we use them for, in my house, sleep stories. Allow me to tell you all a true story, which happened exactly six hours ago when a favorite came in and tapped me on the shoulder at 0400 hours and said, Hi, Daddy, I'm really hungry, and I've been lying in bed for an hour, and I can't get to sleep. And so I said, Oh, okay, well, let's go downstairs and have a bowl of Cheerios. And so we went downstairs. I made myself an espresso. I gave her a bowl. Cheerios. I said, Now, come on back upstairs. I pulled her into bed with me, and I put on Calm.com, as I always do, with my special friend, Tamara Leavitt. And we put on Luna's Lullaby. So this is Luna's Lullaby and the lovely voice of Tamara.
Guest00:28:26Hi, my name's Tamara, and tonight I'll be reading a story called Luna's Lullaby.
JVL00:28:3590 seconds later, favorite was asleep. Stone cold, dead asleep. It's like I had given her knockout gas or something. It's amazing. So this is, again, calm.com has many uses. Parents can use it to meditate, to give themselves a little more peace of mind when they think about how lovely their children are and how rich they've made their lives. But what we use it for is that it puts our kids to sleep. It's amazing. So right now you can get 25% off of a Calm premium subscription. Just go to calm.com slash WFB. That's C-A-L-M dot com slash WFB. It gets you unlimited access to all of their content, all the sleep stories. They're constantly putting out new sleep stories with new readers. It's so great. I really cannot emphasize this enough to anybody who has kids. You should go and get calm today.
Vic00:29:29Thank you, JVL. Now, you saw The Beach Bum last night or the other night? Yesterday. Okay. Tell us your thoughts.
JVL00:29:39So, this movie is not for me. This movie was not meant for people like me. I am probably the last person in all of America who has never touched a drug, like period, the end. I don't drink very often. Even back when I was a kid, I drank very little. It just does not have a lot of appeal to me. I am much more of a control freak. I do not like not being in total control of everything in my life at all times. When I first saw this movie, I had one overriding impulse, and I think I texted this to you guys when I walked out. I wanted to take the entire state of Florida, and every man, woman, and child in it, and fire them into the sun, because I hate all of them. I hate them so much, I can't even tell you. The idea that there is a whole part of America, which is allowed to vote, where people don't do anything. They just go, hey, Jimmy Buffett, let's have a stoner comedy. Where do these people, who pays these people's mortgages? Who pays for their drinks? Where do they sleep? What are their 401Ks like? Who's going to take care of them when they're 70? All of this is made possible by the largesse of the welfare state, and that this is decadence. This is what decadence and late-stage capitalism looks like.
Vic00:31:01If this movie came out during the Cold War, the Soviets would have said, we want a copy of The Beach Bum, and we're going to show it to everybody in the Soviet Union, and this is what's out there.
JVL00:31:09It drove me insane. I hated every single character. I hated his daughter, who was like the moral center of that. I hated everybody, and there's no plot to it. And I hate it as a movie, too. I would say it isn't just the repugnance and the moral repulsion I feel. I hate it as a qua movie. There's no plot. The characters are not interesting. This whole thing has no reason to exist. It's not a stoner comedy. It's not a story. It's not a tableau. Everything about it is flabby and stupid.
Vic00:31:39Yeah, well, to that point, I was looking for a turning point. Where is the turning point? Oh, this is the part where, wow, he's going to have to sober up and clean up his act for one thing or another. Oh, the daughter's wedding. This is a moment for him, and he's going to change. Oh, you know, terrible car accident. Spoiler alert for the one person who might see this movie.
Sonny00:31:58My theater was totally empty.
Vic00:32:00What was your guys like? There were two other people in my theater. There was, like, maybe five or six, and this is at Tyson's, and that's that huge theater. And then I thought, okay, now he's going to change his ways. You know, and that was a Sunday. Keep in mind, you'll remember this, JV, this was the Sunday of the prodigal son sermon. So I thought, this guy is the prodigal son. Is he going to return? No, he's just the prodigal son who never came home. And he has, you're right, he has no qualms sleeping under a bridge or in a multimillion-dollar mansion. Because for him, like, homelessness is a choice.
Sonny00:32:30He's just living his life, man.
Vic00:32:32No, I like the idea that, you know what, nothing sets him down. That's okay. Nothing gets him down, except for all the setbacks of his life, largely. They largely are of his own doing, you know?
JVL00:32:41But it's also wildly improbable. So he, every once in a while, the movie sort of does this, it jabs you in the ribs to remind you, hey, this guy really is a genius. Because they haven't, quote, Baudelaire or D.H. Lawrence. And the idea that some stoned-out, drunk, addict, junkie would actually remember D.H. Lawrence or Baudelaire, I would say, is exactly zero. There is no world in which this happens. The people who live like that are just bums and jerks. Yeah, yeah. The bum's lost, Mr. Lebowski!
Sonny00:33:13You're very Big Lebowski right now.
JVL00:33:16Oh my god. Because the movie actually reminds me quite a lot of Big Lebowski. If the dude was a more boring and uninteresting character, was more dissolute, had fewer motivations, and then was posited as the actual hero of the event, because it's not a story. There's no story. Everything about it is just terrible.
Sonny00:33:43Part of me wonders if we are supposed to take this on it, take Moondog on his face as the hero of the film. I'm not 100% sure that he is supposed to be actually... I don't know that we are supposed to regard him as a genius. I mean, the big joke of the film, in my mind, is the poem that he wins his big award for, which is about his penis. And it's so bad. It's so obviously bad that I can't believe we're meant to take this man seriously. You mean like the joke's on us. Well, no, not the joke's on us. I just don't think that we are supposed to believe everyone when they say he's a genius. I don't know. Maybe I'm giving Corinne too much credit here. I have a question for you guys about criticism theory. Let's posit that this person is deeply unappealing and an awful person and a bad role model and all that stuff. And let's also posit that the movie is not very good, right? Just as a piece of storytelling. You can make a case for it on the merits of the filmmaking, the shot selections, the lighting. And the mood that it creates, I think. It does what it sets out to do successfully. It's just what it wants to do is stupid. How are critics supposed to balance these things? Because I bring this up because there was a review of the film that drove me a little bit crazy. I sent it to you guys. Yes, the Chicago Reader? The Chicago Reader review. The sub-headline of which is, If you're a white, rich, male a**hole, you can get away with anything. And the review kind of goes on from there. It's just another story about a brilliant white guy a**hole that we're supposed to admire both for their brilliance and for their a**hole. It's impossible to watch the flagrantly repulsive Moondog grope everything within reach without thinking about hashtag me too. And the forgive them because they make a brilliant art attitude, which made Harvey Weinstein and R. Kelly possible. Then there's Moondog's wife, Minnie, played with bubbly carnality by Isla Fisher, who steals every scene she's in. And they really have taken the whole movie from McConaughey if Corinne had let her, which she adamantly does not. Minnie is very rich, enjoys getting high and having sex as much as Moondog, and so she has to be punished. So there's a critique of this film that is based essentially on morals and politics and ideology. And there's a critique of the film that is based on the filmmaking itself. And which of these do you think matters more or should critics care about more? JVL, please.
JVL00:36:39So I read that essay in the Chicago Reader, and it's insanely stupid. And I read it actually before I went to the movie, which, if anything, predisposed me to like Beach Bum just out of spite. Yes. And I couldn't do it. Same. Absolutely same. I would say this. In a way, though, I don't blame the Chicago Reader for that, because what else is there to critique? So when I said, why does this movie exist? I meant this quite sincerely. Why does this movie exist? I understand it. I understand it's cinema. I understand experimental cinema. This sort of fails along all of those vectors. You know, it has no idea behind it. It has no story behind it. The setting and scene, even just the idea of plopping in and inhabiting a world is uninteresting. Nothing about it says, like, hey, I have a reason for being. And so in absence of that, if you're a critic who wants to write about it, what else do you have to do except bring your own? I mean, you literally have to come up with something to say about it.
Sonny00:37:39This is very much an instance where a reviewer is filling the movie with his own ideological hang-ups.
JVL00:37:46But because the movie doesn't have anything else to talk about.
Sonny00:37:49I mean, I don't blame the reviewer.
JVL00:37:53It's insipid. I don't like it. And I think he's wrong. But on the other hand, like, what else are you supposed to talk about with a stupid movie like this that has nothing in it? It's hollow.
Sonny00:38:02No? Do you disagree? No. I do kind of. I think that this is what a bad reviewer. I would say that a bad reviewer takes the thing that confounds him and is perhaps intentionally confounding and fills it with his own persnickety hang-ups. I think that's not what a critic should be doing. That being said, I understand the impulse. And I frankly would probably wind up doing something similar if I decided to write about this. Because I wouldn't know how to verbalize or vocalize or write down the things that are bad about the film. Or the things that work about the film. Because I do think parts of it work, again, just as a... There's only one part of this whole movie that works. Yeah, which one? Martin Lawrence. I literally, I did laugh out loud when the shark came out of the water in my empty theater. I guffawed.
JVL00:38:55Everything about Martin Lawrence. So Martin Lawrence's character is introduced as the dude comes onto a pier to go fishing. And Martin Lawrence's character is sitting there. And the very first information you get about him is... He says, you know, how's your business? And Martin Lawrence says, it's so good I actually just bought a second boat. And so you are primarily thinking, okay, so this guy is like a respectable person that the dude knows. That's not the character. A moon dog. A moon dog knows. And as you start looking, like Martin Lawrence, he's wearing a captain's outfit.
Vic00:39:29But then you sort of look shabby. It's more shabby.
JVL00:39:33And then he starts talking about the things he does on his boat. And he gives dolphin tours. You're like, okay, this makes sense. And then he starts talking about, you know, we've only had four fatalities in the last four years. I've only been suspended five times. I've only had my license. I've only been suspended five times. And then.
Vic00:39:48Which he says is very low in the business of dolphins watching.
JVL00:39:51We start swerving even more where it turns out that he has a deep, deep love for dolphins that is almost Troy McClure-like. Yeah. Right. So clearly he has a sexual affinity for dolphins. And as all of this is happening. You then get a family who comes to his rocky boat to go to go see the dolphins. He drives them out. He says, there they are. And you see him. He's putting on a wetsuit. He's going to go swimming with the dolphins. And then they show you what are clearly shark fins.
Vic00:40:23You look at it. You already know. When the first time I saw him, that's not a dolphin.
JVL00:40:25Now, this is only like seven minutes of the movie. It's definitely the best part of it. But this seven minutes is an absurdist sort of triumph, I think, in its own way. This could have. We should never, like, criticize a movie for not being what you wanted it to be. But you could have seen this as. As being a stoner version of the Odyssey.
Vic00:40:41Yeah.
JVL00:40:42Right. Where he is Odysseus making his way through a series of trials and then meeting interesting people. Good and bad, too. Good. Right. And if this movie had been that, then the Martin Lawrence vignette fits within that structure.
Sonny00:40:55How do you how do you feel the Martin Lawrence vignette compares to the Zac Efron vignette? Zac Efron plays a Christian rock adult. Messed up. Pastor's kid who's in rehab with Moondog. Prayer warrior. And breaks out. Breaks out. He thinks he's a tiger.
JVL00:41:09He thinks it is OK to mug old people because Jesus has already forgiven you and died on the cross. Jesus died on the cross. That's a very distinct view. That's a very distinct view, by the way. And I have to say, so in that in that vignette, Zac Efron is fantastic. But the vignette itself doesn't really go anywhere like this is again. So you you're introduced to this really interesting character and you're sort of interested to spend a little bit of time with him. But then it just kind of doesn't move anywhere.
Sonny00:41:36It starts at him being an absurd caricature of a evangelical. Type and like never really goes anywhere from there. It just like it starts at 11, whereas the Martin Lawrence thing starts at about five and then and then even a three and then goes to 15.
Vic00:41:49No, absolutely.
Sonny00:41:50No, I agree with this. I there again, there are like little bits in the movie that I like. I don't understand, for instance, what exactly Snoop Dogg is in the lingerie. Is he is he a rapper? He's a rapper. Yeah. Why do why do all of the why do all of his minions have submachine guns?
JVL00:42:05Well, that's, you know, security. So what has happened is he is a guy. Who got rich with a couple hit records and no longer makes records and now just does weed. Yeah. And I think the guys are there to basically secure his stash because he has got so much so much weed and he's got this giant, you know, 400 foot luxury yacht. And is it Isla Fisher? Isla Fisher? I don't know. Isla. I think it's Isla. But she she does not steal every scene in this movie.
Vic00:42:34I like her a ton. I I did feel like that was basically her as herself. But yeah.
Sonny00:42:39The she's she's is she a stoner, too? My understanding is that she is a wild spirit. Mm hmm. Free spirit. Yeah.
Vic00:42:47Free spirit. But the idea that, you know, I mean, because they have this luxury that they don't really think about, but they have, which is 100. Somebody worked like they she doesn't work and doesn't work. But somebody had to work in her family, a grandfather or somebody who didn't spend their time just wandering around Key West, you know, stoned.
JVL00:43:05I just found a whole lot. There's nothing redeeming.
Vic00:43:09All of these people. And I like the idea of the deep mellow. I plan on being mellow in a couple of weeks when I'm away.
Sonny00:43:15As you know, the deep reading of the deep reading of this film is that Matthew Bonahay actually dies in that car wreck. And the rest of the film is his trials through hell, which end up with him almost burning himself to death in that boat.
Vic00:43:28This is a hot take.
Sonny00:43:29This is it's I this is that the boat is Charon crossing the lake. Yeah. Fire. I guess. Sure. Why not? Really? The whole time.
JVL00:43:39I would say at multiple points in the moment, in the back of my head, I heard a voice saying got to get that fish. Oh, yeah. It feels like a little bit to Serenity. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah. No, totally.
Vic00:43:51How bad is it that I like that movie more than this movie? Serenity is much better.
Sonny00:43:55We we all liked it. We all liked Serenity.
Vic00:43:58Didn't you like Serenity? It's weird. Anyway, you know, but I mean, but it is man of the people over here.
Sonny00:44:03It is C. It is C plus. Oh, no, no, no, no.
Vic00:44:06The beach bump. Oh, the beach bump. I gave it. I was originally going to give it an F and then I let it sink in a little bit. I like the music. I like Snoop Dogg. I ended up with a C minus. C minus. C minus. But you know what? Yeah. Worse than Widows. I thought it was worse than Widows. Worse than Widows. You dick.
JVL00:44:23Was there enough? Did enough people see it to give a statistically significant cinema score?
Sonny00:44:31I don't think it got a cinema score. Cinema. You only get a cinema score if you're in more than 2000 screens, I think. OK. And it was only on 1100.
Vic00:44:41No, I mean, there was potential. You could have done something if you had more of an arc, more of a plot, something that happens. Maybe, you know, something happens with Moon Dogg that he's aiming towards something, you know, but instead, I mean, because, I mean, there's a cast there and it's quite a motley crew. Speaking of which, moving on to the next subject.
Sonny00:45:021500 screens, by the way. OK. And it only opened in 1100.
Vic00:45:05OK. So with the time that we have left. The dirt. Is it called dirt or dirt? The dirt. The dirt. OK. The dirt is not in theaters. It's on Netflix and it is a biopic. So, you know, you have Bohemian Rhapsody. Right. And Rocket Man. Rocket Man is coming up.
Sonny00:45:24Oh, that's the other one we're going to do that I can't wait for. Oh, I'm going to see that one. Are you actually excited for that?
JVL00:45:29I think it looks kind of interesting. Yes.
Vic00:45:31I like Elton John's music.
Sonny00:45:33You just want to see Chap King, Arthur, do Elton John?
JVL00:45:35He's not Chap King. Oh, no, that's right. No, Chap Robin Hood.
Sonny00:45:38He's Chap Robin Hood.
Vic00:45:39He's Chap Robin Hood. And so on piggybacking on that is Motley Crue biopic, The Dirt. And a lot of people angry about this movie because of its glorification of men behaving badly. But this was the 80s. And you can't say, oh, this didn't happen. You can't change. You're not going to do Caligula and say, oh, he wasn't like that. You know, there's going to be a horse. There's going to be a horse involved. And in The Dirt, somebody's going to be looking. Okay, Sonny, what did you think?
Sonny00:46:12We watched The Dirt here? We did watch The Dirt here. The Dirt is the perfect sort of movie to watch. Can you do a review? What's the point of doing a review? It's the story of Motley Crue. And it's about them having sex and doing drugs. And there's a car accident in this movie, too, that sets someone down a different path. I don't care. Here's what I'll say. It's better than Bohemian Rhapsody.
JVL00:46:36You know, it's funny. I felt the exact same way. It's not just a little bit better than Bohemian Rhapsody. It's a lot better than Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sonny00:46:45Well, it's just more honest with what the subject matter is.
JVL00:46:48It's more interestingly shot. And it's better edited.
Vic00:46:51And I like the multiple narrators. I like the idea of each band member telling a side of the story. And I thought they all had interesting takes.
Sonny00:46:58So I would say that The Dirt is the perfect sort of movie to watch at 2 p.m. on a Friday afternoon with Vic Madison, Aaron Harrison. At your office. In the office when you're passing. A bottle of Wild Turkey 101 back and forth between each other. It's that sort of movie. And don't forget all the lines we did. We did a lot of lines.
JVL00:47:17What did HR think about that? Did you show it on the big screen?
Sonny00:47:19We brought it in here. We brought it in here. We threw it up on this TV. Great. It's fine. It's fun. It's ridiculous. It's absurd. It is a celebration of grotesquery. But it is honest in what it is doing.
JVL00:47:33Just a bunch of fun-loving boys.
Sonny00:47:36It didn't mean no harm. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I think it really has a true artistry to it, really. I mean, like the scene where is it Nikki Sixx who decides he wants to give up heroin? Or no, no, it's Nikki Sixx who he's like, you know, I found the most beautiful woman in the world. And you think he's in a strip club and there's a nude woman there. And she's holding a tray. And you think like, oh, this is the woman. This is the love of his life that he's found. Turns out he's talking about heroin.
Vic00:48:05It's a metaphor. I was fooled. Symbolism. I was fooled.
Sonny00:48:09I was fooled. So the movie itself is ridiculous and absurd and a lot of fun. And who, you know, like it's hard to get as angry as some people really are about this movie. Are people really angry about it? A lot of critics don't. A lot of critics don't like this. And they don't like Netflix's The Highwaymen. Two celebrations of, you know, of various ideas of masculinity. From a different time.
Vic00:48:42Yes. From a very different time.
Sonny00:48:45From two very different times.
Vic00:48:47I liked The Dirt. I thought it was interesting. No surprise there. From the first 30 seconds of this movie, I thought to myself, boy, I hope Gene comes in for this. No, no, no. You know, I mean, the thing is, again, like I said, you know, look, this actually happened. But I've always been complaining in the last couple of decades that you just don't see gratuitous nudity anymore in movies. And boy, this had it in spades. You know, I mean, it was just everywhere. So did the beach bum, though. Yeah. It wasn't good. No, that wasn't good. That was not good. The scene in the kitchen with the spatula, not good. So this was kind of a real throwback to the 80s in that way. And in true spirit, I thought it was great because, you know, you see. When they start the ride, Motley Crue's rise, and you see the opening act or the performing alongside. And you saw some great old names from the past. Number one, Quiet Riot. And number two, later on, on the marquee, you saw Dokken. You know, I remember Dokken. But at some point in time, as the decline, you know, begins, one of the band members walks past the wall. And what do you see as a big poster? Pearl Jam. Pearl Jam. Exactly. Because for me.
Sonny00:50:05Again, artistry. You know, you see the decline in the background. It's not. It's not shoved in your face.
Vic00:50:10At some point, I just remember, you know, in reality, in the 90s, where just all of a sudden, heavy metal was gone. You know, it's like, what happened to the heavy metal bands? What happened? You know, Headbangers. All that stuff, just for me, just seemed to disappear. Grunge had taken over everything. And it was just a different sound. And all these other, you know, bands, you know, it became a struggle. And then, of course, you see that in the movie. So, in the movie, there are hardships that they have to get over. And some of them are really heartbreaking. You know, with Vince Neil, for example. Again, I found that more...
Sonny00:50:40They didn't really dwell on the dead child subplot. That was probably for the best. You know what? They did enough for me.
Vic00:50:45It was definitely for the best.
Sonny00:50:46It was more than enough for me.
Vic00:50:47Yeah, absolutely. That's all I needed to say. I didn't want to see more. That was very hard. And I liked it. So, the other thing I thought was great, the casting was good. The girl who plays Heather Locklear was a dead ringer for her. And I got confused watching this because I was like, I always associated Heather Locklear for some reason with the band. Ron Jovi. And then I was thinking about Richie... Oh, wait a minute. Richie Sambora. Richie Sambora. But wait a minute. So, she dated her... Oh, wait a minute. No, she dated... She dated both. And she married both, right? Yeah. And there you have it. It's a different time. It was a different time. That's how she rolled, Heather Locklear.
JVL00:51:23JVL.
Vic00:51:23The whole...
JVL00:51:24Okay, first of all, I understand that Rami Malek was helped to his Oscar by everybody from craft services to the best boys and the gaffers.
Sonny00:51:36And there may have been a director on set.
JVL00:51:38That movie was not directed. That movie was not directed by anyone. I thought the performances by a bunch of no-name actors I've never seen in this were much more winning.
Vic00:51:47Yeah, no.
JVL00:51:47And they are not impersonations. They're just playing... They're actually coming up with characters and playing the characters. The characters. And the characters they come up with are really great. And again, they do pull, I think, a neat trick. Not a cheap trick. Oh! JVL, A+. A neat trick. A neat trick of really selling the idea that these are just boys being boys, which is what keeps you from hating them. Because if you think they're rock stars being rock star a**holes, then there's no way to not hate them. But the movie is selling you the idea, which again, I'm sure is not true, but as qua movie making, that these are just boys being boys. Nikki is just filling this hole in his heart because of his terrible home life.
Vic00:52:35Tommy Lee looks like he came from a very nice family.
JVL00:52:37Tommy Lee comes from a totally normal family. He's a lover, not a fighter. You know, he just... Except when he's...
Sonny00:52:42It does kind of gloss over the whole beating women thing. And also posit that they kind of have it coming. I mean, like the movie... I would say this movie is far more immoral in certain aspects than The Beach Bum is.
JVL00:52:55Well, but that's what I'm saying. So you've got to read this movie as a movie and not as a biopic, right? And as a movie, it's telling a much more interesting story and a kind of winning story. The central fact, though, and this is what they do get right, is that the attraction of Motley Crue was... The lifestyle was the act. The music was not the act. The lifestyle was the act. And Vince Neil even sort of says this at one point when he says, you know, like, this Dr. Feelgood, this whole album has two good songs on it. Everything else is crap. And I'm the one who understands it because I'm the only sober one on stage and I'm trying to sell it every night and I see people's reactions to it. And what people reacted to was... It was the bad boy behavior. Like, that was the act. And they don't try to turn it into something it's not, unlike, say, Bohemian Rhapsody, which tries to turn Queen into, like, the greatest musical thing since Mozart or something.
Vic00:53:54I owned a theater of pain on cassette tape. My father gave it to me. It was like when I was in eighth grade. He's like, you know, I walked into Camelot Records, you know, in the mall. Camelot Records. At Ocean County Mall. I walked into Camelot Records and it was everywhere. So I just figured, hey, I wanted you to have it. So I had it. It was good. It was a good tape. It was a good tape. You're so old. I know we are because, I mean, nobody remembers Theater of Pain. A lot of our listeners are younger. But I do have a list of my top five Motley Crue songs if you want it. Are there five good Motley Crue songs? Ready? Okay, here we go. Number five, Dr. Feel Good. Number four, Home Sweet Home. Number three, Unskinny Bop. Number two, Every Rose Has Its Thorn In. Number one, Pour Some Sugar On Me. Those are great Motley Crue songs. Motley Crue songs.
Sonny00:54:39Okay. The joke here is that those are not all Motley Crue songs, right?
JVL00:54:43What are you talking about? Can I tell you something else?
Sonny00:54:45Yeah.
JVL00:54:46And this is the type of thing that normally I object to in movies is cameos. Normally, I think the cameos sort of, it's not there for you or if it's there for you, it's cheap fan service. Here, the David Lee Roth, which is a 45-second bit where I think he says one thing. It's just sitting stoned on a couch. The mirror smashes on him. And then Ozzy Osbourne. I think they're great. No, absolutely. Because what they're doing is they're trying to set up a, they're showing you what it was like in the L.A. rock scene in the 80s, which is what this was all about. I mean, the L.A. was a scene. This is where Guns N' Roses comes from. Absolutely. Skid Row, all of these bands. The opening at Whiskey A Go-Go, the whole thing. And I kind of loved it. As a period piece. I gave it a B+.
Sonny00:55:33Sonny? You B+. This is a solid A from you.
JVL00:55:38I was going to say, for you, this is an A+. I can't believe.
Vic00:55:41Why are you? I don't know. I was just, you know, grading down. I'm trying to be tougher. Trying to be tougher. But B+. I liked it. I liked it. Okay.
Sonny00:55:50I don't know. B. B is fine. I mean, it's fine. It's entertaining.
JVL00:55:54I give it a C+.
Sonny00:55:54It's absurd. C+. C++ is a little bit low.
JVL00:55:58Not where I come from. Okay.
Vic00:56:01Good. I think we're all set. I want to move on really quickly to corrections, additions, and shout outs. I want to give a shout out. I want to give a shout out to a friend and listener, Charlie, who is a long-time fan of the show and gave us a board game called Lords of the Waterdeep.
Sonny00:56:18He's pulling it out to show everyone.
Vic00:56:20Pulling out the board game.
JVL00:56:22Thank you. Take a look at this. It's massive. This is right up my alley.
Vic00:56:27Yes. Okay. So Charlie writes this. He says that he's hopeful. He says that you're cool.
JVL00:56:32No, I'm sorry. It's not called Lords of the Waterdeep.
Vic00:56:35It is Dungeons and Dragons.
JVL00:56:36It is actually Dungeons and Dragons.
Vic00:56:38Okay. So he says, I'm hopeful your group will at least give it a try. It's great for a wide age group. Easy to learn. Has a nice bit of D&D flavoring without actually making you pick up a set of dice.
Sonny00:56:49Wasn't that the whole point?
Vic00:56:50I like the dice. I will keep my fingers crossed that at least one of you finds it worthy, Sonny, and that you were not disappointed it wasn't a bottle of single malt, Sonny.
Sonny00:57:00I've never played any of these games. So I don't... All right. So here's what happened. Yesterday, I consulted.
Vic00:57:08With two experts in the field. Okay. Look at this. I know it's a massive map. It's a massive map. But it's really nice. This is a high quality game. It's very nice. It's very... It's a thick board map. So I consulted two experts on this kind of thing. Did you ask Tom? No. I asked Paul Crookston and Stephen Kowalski. Thank you. Yes. Yes, Sonny. And who work at the Free Beacon. And one of the things is, I mean, they were intrigued by the game. They looked at it. But they scolded me for assuming that role-playing and board game... People are the same people. And apparently they're not. So...
Sonny00:57:42But wait, is this not role-playing? Well, this is kind of a hybrid. This is interesting.
Vic00:57:46This is a hybrid. It's more... There's board game elements and there's role-playing elements. But I do have to tell you that Paul and Stephen were offended that... Sorry.
JVL00:57:58This is the Venn diagram of those two things. The Venn diagram that JVL...
Sonny00:58:03The Venn diagram and role... It's basically 90% overlap.
Vic00:58:08This is like... Oh, no. Let me tell you. I talked to them and the role-playing game... Those are the nerds. Those are the nerds. Oh, sure.
JVL00:58:17He says us. Okay. Well, anyway, thank you very much, Charlie. This is punching down.
Vic00:58:22Thank you very much, Charlie. Okay. That's all the time we're giving to this episode. Questions, comments, complaints, compliments. Tweet us at Victorino Matus at Sonny Bunch. Again, be sure to subscribe to us on iTunes or Google Play. Just type in SubBeacon on our podcast. We're there. Leave a review. Tell your friends. Until next time.
Sonny00:58:49So?
JVL00:58:50Question. Yes. I'm surprised you didn't have anything to say about the dark elf on the cover of Lords of the Waterdeep Air.
Vic00:58:57Oh, she's... Let me... Oh, yeah. That's great. No, she looks terrific. She looks terrific and she's holding this wand.
JVL00:59:06You never... You never told us anything about how your weekend was.
Vic00:59:11No, everything was fine. Everything was fine. It was an uneventful, quiet weekend. I think... I can't actually remember what I did. Oh, no. My folks were visiting, so that was nice. How's your RG? Oh, good. So, I'm losing weight, you know, and I'm doing the 16 to 8 or 17 to 7 fast. And that's been working out.
JVL00:59:30How did that work exactly?
Vic00:59:31You just don't eat for 18 or 16 or 17 hours. So, my window of eating is between like 12 and 8 or 11 and 7. And then you don't eat again until the following day, until the following lunch. And it sort of resets the metabolism so that your body is only... So, as opposed to my constantly eating throughout the day and night, you stop that. But there are limits you don't want to make. You don't want to overcompensate, and that happens. But I've lost maybe five pounds.
JVL00:59:57This is once more where science pings from... This is like never sleep your baby on the back. Always sleep your baby on the back. I don't know if you remember. I don't remember this, but like 10 years ago, the whole idea... We've got to be grazing. We've got to be grazing. Oh, yeah, great. Snacking throughout the day. Snacking throughout the day. To just eat big meals. What you really want to do is just take little hits all day. Also pasta. You've got to carb load. Carb loading. Nobody knows anything. But you know what?
Vic01:00:24It is working. It is working. I will tell you that. I do feel that.
Sonny01:00:27You know how you lose weight? You consume fewer calories than you burn by working out. That is scientifically not true. That's literally the only thing that matters. It doesn't matter how you eat it or in which order or what kind of calories. That's not true.
JVL01:00:38It's just fewer calories come in. That's not true at all. I have a friend of the show who I will not mention by name, but who has been doing real fasting.
Sonny01:00:47Oh, no.
JVL01:00:48Yeah. The 24-hour one? I believe.
Vic01:00:51His record is like 16 days. No, no.
?01:00:54You can't.
Vic01:00:55And you're living on like a monk. Like he's a monk. You're like water, coffee. Just water and some coffee. Water and some coffee.
JVL01:01:01And he says tons more energy. He feels great. And that everything is. That is hard core. That is biblical fasting.
Vic01:01:12No, this is. I mean, look, we're getting to the end of the show right here and I can barely function. I can't even get out of my chair right now. I'm sure it's fine.
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